I shot my first wedding of the year earlier this month in London. I was in town the day before so I headed over to the church rehearsal to win some client and vicar brownie points and settle my new venue nerves for the next day.
I sat at the back of the rehearsal while the bishop went through the ceremony with the couple. He was really lovely with them. So nice, he really put the couple at ease. One of the nicest, most relaxed rehearsals I’ve seen.
And he didn’t make them say the lines out loud which I always like. Saying the lines the day before is a bit weird, especially when it’s essentially a ‘repeat after me’ thing.
Anyway.
Early on the bride mentioned that her photographer was here. He looked over at me. I smiled. He waved.
Later on he took the couple back to the signing room and at this point they beckoned me forward to go with them.
As I walked in, that friendly demeanour left his face and his body language changed.
“You know your place is in the balcony don’t you?”
“No. I didn’t know that. For the whole service?”
“Ohhh yes. If I had my way you’d be shackled. You’ll be collected when it’s time to come here for the signing. Do not walk down the aisle. Go outside and come in through this side door.”
“Ok.”
Then he went back to being lovely!
Now, I know from my years spent in photography facebook groups this is a top pet peeve of the wedding photographer — officious/mean vicars, priests and bishops.
And yeah, I felt a bit belittled and humiliated and definitely a little bit cross. My ego was bruised for sure. He didn’t even give me a chance to tell him my name!
I went back to sit at the back for the rest of the rehearsal and I pondered. And quite quickly I just moved on. Here’s how I managed to do that.
1) This is his ‘house’. Those are the rules. He told me professionally and firmly. Abrupt? Yes. But he was professional. My ego was just bruised by the way he did it.
2) It was all said in front of my clients and their mums. None of us were in any doubt those were the rules. They now knew that all of the photos would be from the back. They had no issue with that, so why should I?
3) The ceremony was only 1 hour of the 12 hours I was going to be with them. And how many photos does a ceremony yield anyway, really? I was sad not to be able to get a shot of dad and bride walking down the aisle, mainly but I’d still get a good few shots while metaphorically shackled to the balcony.
4) I’ve learned over the years to just let these things go, and use my energy on doing the best job I can within any restrictions placed upon me.
5) Since being unable to do this job for the best part of two years, I’m frankly just grateful to be at weddings again! Not much bothers me now!
If you know me, you’ll know I’m a great lover of self improvement books. I preach to anyone who will listen about actively choosing positivity over negativity, and making that a life habit (have a listen to my podcast The Positive Creatives for more of that) and in this case that’s exactly what I did.
I chose to get over being annoyed.
I chose to get the best frickin’ photos I could from my balcony.
I chose to focus hard on the walk from the bridal prep room round the corner to the chapel and treat that as the ‘dad walking bride down the aisle’ shots.
And I chose to show the bishop and other church staff a lot more friendliness and respect than they were showing me, in the hope that by doing that I maybe begin to change their opinion about wedding photographers! Who knows?!
And later on at the reception, I overheard the bishop telling the bride that I was the loveliest, most charming and respectful photographer he’d ever come across.
I made that last bit up, but wouldn’t that have been nice?!
Thanks for reading!
Adam
PS – The main thing that truly bothers me at weddings is the ‘please can I have some food that’s been arranged for me’ moment. Honestly, I dread that moment with every ounce of my soul, it’s horrible. So last year I started asking my couples not to request food for me. Instead I take a kids lunch box full of food, drinks and snacks that I love. So now instead of dreading my Oliver Twist moment, I excitedly look forward to the moment I can break open my ARJ picnic! Try it, honestly, it’s a total revelation.
PPS – The ARJ picnic includes a cheestring. Don’t judge me.
